Spiritual Journeys

This year has been an interesting one for several reasons. It has also been a year of growth for several reasons. But nothing this year has been more time consuming and all consuming than the growth and journey I've had on a spiritual level and in my search for the truth and to be closer to God.

My introduction to my obsession with the Latter-Day Saint Church of Jesus Christ began of course because of Kyle. The boy that I love and begin to view as someone I could easily spend the rest of my life with leaves me and our relationship for two years to serve on a mission trip. While at first his intentions to leave were more because he didn't know what else to do with his time, it has turned into something that he is fully convicted of to be true and passionate about. So passionate that when before he would have been fine marrying me and loving me, he has now made a promise to himself to either marry in the Temple or not marry at all. This has been devastated but overall I respect him very much for having that conviction in his faith.

Seeing Kyle grow this year has helped me grow in my faith in God in some ways because I've been more likely to study the bible and push what I believe in. I was worried for a while about not having the right intentions for looking into this church but I am glad that I have because all of the research I have put in about faith and God has only caused me the strengthen in my own beliefs and faith.

I want to go into the stages I have been going through. In the beginning, right when Kyle left I didn't believe in Mormanism but didn't think it mattered much as long as I respected Kyle. Then I went through a long stage of convincing myself that there wasn't much of a difference between Mormanism and Non-denominational Christianity (my faith), that they were very compatiable and that teaching someone both wasn't that big of a deal. Then after Kyle broke it off, I started to worry that maybe he was right and not only was I losing him but also a place in Heaven when I could have both if I only stopped being to stubborn. I've been researching the church for months and months now, but it wasn't until I took the step to talk to the Elders outside of Caldwell that it began a real journey. I met with them this afternoon and they were very nice. But here's the thing, I feel like I know my faith is only more real from this experience.

It was nice to see what Kyle is doing in Brazil and was doing in Alabama but I believe the Bible and not the Book of Mormon is the only way. I need to discover this but it's good to finally reach a place where it's not about Kyle anymore but about me.

(This whole thing came off wrong, I guess I'll try and re-write this again later)